DIY Survival: How to wrestle a crocodile

Recently there was news story about a crocodile wandering the streets of a town and I wondered what the hell you would do if you ran into it. Run is the option most people would take (and if this was a Max Walker book of the same title I probably would) but we are not most people. We are members of the HiiRagi Army and running is not an option. We live by a code of courage, strength and honour and in light of this I thought it my responsibility to help my minions with the best chance of survival: wrestling that goddamn crocodile into submission.

Ok, so here are a number of strategies to take:

1. If you are on land, try to get onto the croc's back and whilst riding like there is no tomorrow (spurs optional)put downward pressure onto it's neck which will force its head down.

2. Cover the croc's eyes, apparently it makes them more sedate. Then tie that bastard up!

3. Now, if it attacks you, go for the eyes and nose first. Use anything you have at hand or your fist, just like Ali.

Yep, that's how you do it sunshine!

4. If the croc has your arm or something else you need to remove from its mouth, again punch it on the snout. Show it you mean business.

5. If, despite your best efforts, it manages to get you in its jaws, you MUST prevent it from shaking you or rolling over with you. This is bad news. Try to keep the mouth clamped shut so it doesn't begin shaking and pray to HiiRagi that someone turns up soon. Otherwise just keep punching it. In fact, this seems to be the best option for everything.

DIY Survival: How to take a gut punch

Growing up with a brother and two male cousins saw me take my fair share of wrestling and violence (which may have a slight influence on my current occupation perhaps). The worst of these physical attacks was the gut punch, especially when caught unawares. It is also one of the best ways to knock someone down or out. Harry Houdini actually died from an unexpected blow to the abdomen, I kid you not. So today, I am going to help you to defend your self against the gut punch. There are basically three rules to remember:

1) Tighten your stomach muscles, if you have any that is...Mine are pure steel. I will never be caught unawares again. Amazing how you grow muscles when you refuse to ever relax them. I don't sleep either. I am truly diabolical. The world is screwed if it continues to resist me. I'm ranting, aren't I?! But you know what? I don't care.

2) Do not suck your abdomen in if a punch is imminent. This is bad. Very bad. Unless you want to be Harry Houdini.

3) If possible, shift yourself slightly so that the punch hits your side. This way all you do is crack some ribs rather than damage your internal organs, which apparently is better. Still means pain and suffering though.

So there you go kids! All you need to know about gut punches! Now get out there and practice!

Terrain Training Tuesday: Is the best outfit to wear nothing at all?

When looking at villians or merely those wanting to do as they wish, is it perhaps better to not have an earthly body at all? First that springs to mind (for me being the nerd burger that I am) is Sauron from Lord of the Rings. Now he did have a body but lost it (how do you lose it? I think it is best done during a scientific experiment or being struck by lightening or exhausting your power beyond everything, however from there what he got was the look of a great all seeing eye:

Now this is more of an elemental look. Here he is constructed out of fire (nice and destructive) and in the form of an eye, which makes you think that he can see everything. Now you can go beyond this and make your body out of anything such as water, air, earth or other choices like wood, metal or electricity, all effective choices. One drawback that was brought to my attention is that if you say went down the water route and took on the form of a huge wave, wrecking havoc along the coastline, unless you have laid some extensive publicity ground work people may not know that it is you, and even, that maybe it's just Mother Nature....not that would be humiliating to say the least.

The next thought was maybe you could just be intelligence transferred into a computer. Then the whole world would be your oyster as you ride the internet highway and if your opponent destroyed your computer you could just pop int another one. Genius. I mean we've all seen 'Electric Dreams' (haven't we?). The benefits are endless with limitless information at your fingertips. You can set yourself up in the core of the Earth, set up cameras to act as your eyes and ears and robots as your hands. Again genius. You will also be immortal and immoral as transforming yourself into a binary code will definately have an impact on your humanity (or lack of), making your destructive ways just that little bit easier to live with.

BUT then maybe the best way is to never reveal yourself at all.... Become a mysterious force that no one ever sees but they know you exist because of the trail of destruction that you leave. The fact that you remain unseen will only add to making you some kind of children's nightmare creature of legend. Imagine the freedom! Claim others wrong doings as your own, run amok! We all know that people fear what they do not know and understand (fools), add to that that you may not exist and it's a winner all round. I like it.

Terrain Training Tuesday: Hostage DIY

Yep, once again I have been distracted from my outfit (we all know I'm going to go for the military look anyway)for the joys of a good hostage situation. You can take anything hostage and still get all the thrills and excitement. Recently I had the opportunity of taking a certain minions precious thing,in this case a small vial of gold (see below) hostage.

Now it's a pretty small vial, and yes, that is the gold in the bottom sparkling away, so pretty.... Due to the size I'm thinking a Gulliver's Travels theme is in order. Theming your hostage situation also adds to the drama and humour of the situation, after all just because it sounds nasty doesn't mean it has to be, a bit of humour can go a long way. Now go take something hostage. Once you have, to complete this you are going to need:

String, brown is the craft classic.

Tacks or small nails

An army, these ones are about two cm tall and are ace! I found them at Sorell Market and nearly wet myself with excitement as my hostage plans all came together!

Ok. SO from here all you need to do is arrange your scene showing that you have the hostage and that, while it is still safe and sound, your image needs to show that it is in REAL danger. Take my example:

As you can see the hostage is clearly visible in one piece, with the army quite menacing as it surrounds our victim. It's a beautiful thing. The string adds to the scene where the vial could be in a bit of physical pain and anguish. Mental anguish is also assumed and increases our bargaining power. From here we need to record the scene, I find polaroids are best:

They give off a certain charm, don't they? The blurriness also adds a certain desperation to it all. These were taken with my Diana f+ using the Instamatic back and the Close-up lens. Admire your genius and then pop them into a plain envelope:

Next we need to write a note. Show good faith by saying your hostage is well, put in a condition of its safe return and then place a thinly veiled threat in there somewhere too. Below is my example:

The note reads: "AS YOU CAN SEE YOUR GOLD IS ALIVE AND WELL, I HOPE TO RETURN IT TO YOU IN THIS STATE. BUT THIS ALL HINGES ON THE SAFE RETURN OF MY BELOVED COMPASS...WE WOULDN'T WANT THIS TO TURN NASTY NOW...WOULD WE?"

As I previously commented, there is no cost to being polite about the whole thing. Unfortunately this situation has escalated due to the minion taking one of my compasses hostage (look at what happens when you give a minion just a little bit of leeway, they just stab you in the back...unfortunately that's also why I like them). And I've added just a little bit of a malicious comment at the end that things could go bad if they do not comply. Usually I wouldn't recommend using your typewriter as it can be easily traced to you, however as this minion knows I am in possession of the vial, it doesn't really matter. Nothing beats letters cut out of the newspaper though. It's a classic combination. And then TA DA! All ready to go! I'm going to deliver this later in the week and will let you know how it all turns out.

*An important thing to remember with hostage taking, you MUST be prepared to carry your threat out. NEVER make threats you do not intend to carry out when provoked. That is NOT the HiiRagi way. We are people of our word...most of the time...Good luck my little minions!

Terrain Training Tuesday:The Mad Scientist Look

I'm quite fond of the Mad Scientist. There is something about the combination of being intellectually gifted (usually) and completely socially inept and awkward. It's quite endearing really. Make sure that you really are of superior intelligence (otherwise this may all turn out really really bad) and have a good dose of insanity so that you really do think that you are unstoppable (there is no room here for logical rationale or self doubt, trust me). You need to make sure of this because to take on the 'look' of the Mad Scientist is quite easy, mess up you hair (colour is irrelevant but better to be grey), done a white coat, dental outfit or a simple rumpled suit with a few Sulphur stains and you're done! The look in the eyes though, that's something you just can't fake...

If you are going to rock this look, the most important feature is going to be your laboratory...how else will you be able to recreate life or build gigantic and powerful inventions?

All of these examples are good reference. You may also want to add a laboratory assistant, these are great for throwing large switches and seeking out body parts for you when you are simply too busy being a genius. I always loved the guy out of Young Frankenstein.

For those with a touch of the musical about them, there is always 'Dr Horror's Sing-a-long'. Check it out.

Terrain Training Tuesday:Evil Eyepatches

I know I'm looking at outfits but as usual I have been distracted by accessorising. I am only human. Now the appeal of the eye patch, other than the ones worn by the HiiRagi Army, is that they convey a silent threat that the person wearing the eyepatch is 1) an experienced combatant; or 2) a badass; or BOTH. How awesome is that? You don't even need to say anything, in fact, I suspect it is better to play the silent type and just fix them with a one eyed steely glare ala John Wayne.

He may look friendly but you know he could turn at any moment....

Yep, Kurt Russell knows how to rock an eye patch, again and again and again...

This one just looks hot...go on admit it....nothing beats an eyepatch and a military uniform.

Even David Hasselhoff knows to rock an eyepatch. I have no idea what this image is from and quite frankly I don't want to...nor do I want to know why he is standing so close to that woman...

One thing to note is that characters who have an eyepatch in the parallel universe of comic, TV and movie land rarely seem to experience any problems with depth perception or suffer from the resulting reduced field of vision. In fact, sometimes the Eyepatch covers a perfectly functional - or specially functional - eye instead of the empty hole one might suspect. This is truly diabolical and much admired by me.

Yep, there's a couple of special eye patch wearers, just out for a stroll, taking in a bit of fresh air...

And finally as my fact of the day, the Norse god Odin actually traded an eye for a drink from Mimir's well of knowledge. That's what we need, a Well of Knowledge, I'm sure I have one laying around here somewhere....

Terrain Training Tuesday: Spandex, its a privilege, not a right

It’s a prevalent look in the purveyors of World Domination, and it has the power to make you wince in pain (that may be part of the appeal actually), yep, it’s the tight all-in-one spandex suit.

Classic. Now, this is a good one as you can play with colours and symbols around any theme you wish to be associated with, the obvious example of this is The Riddler, who began life in a classy suit, was morphed with Jim Carrey and came out like this:

It’s a bit obvious for my taste but people are pretty stupid so maybe you need to be obvious. From here, you can get a bit more detailed or fancy by throwing on some pouches and gun holsters…maybe a cape? Probably a bit too Superhero though…. And no shoulder pads. N-O. The neck thing in this one is nice though. Personally I'm not a spandex wearer but I'm sure that they are quite comfortable. I also think that they would get a bit cold and this is one look where I don't think you would want to be left cold and exposed...

Another side effect of it all is that there can be consequences to the spandex suit. Poor old Baron Zero (above) is permanently imbued to his suit due to a consequence in a battle with Super-Soldier. I'm afraid that's the risk you take wearing it in public. I like his pants on the outside though and his big boots. It's a bit Sci-Fi really. The steam coming out of his neck is cool too. Once again, it appears the look works best if you can incorporate a gimmick.

And this ONLY works if you are David Bowie.

And if you physique is less that amazing, have a good long think about this look…or get some padding. But preferably not like this:

Do I need to explain what is wrong with this? If I do, you should not be reading this blog. I mean it. All I have left to say is 'Run little piggy! Run!'

Banksy on Advertising...I love it!!

Ah Bansky... you can always count on him.

For those who can't make it out in the image, it reads:

"People are taking the piss out of you everyday. They butt into your life, take a cheap shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you from tall buildings and make you feel small. They make flippant comments from buses that imply you’re not sexy enough and that all the fun is happening somewhere else. They are on TV making your girlfriend feel inadequate. They have access to the most sophisticated technology the world has ever seen and they bully you with it. They are The Advertisers and they are laughing at you.

You, however, are forbidden to touch them. Trademarks, intellectual property rights and copyright law mean advertisers can say what they like wherever they like with total impunity.

Fuck that. Any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It’s yours to take, re-arrange and re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.

You owe the companies nothing. Less than nothing, you especially don’t owe them any courtesy. They owe you. They have re-arranged the world to put themselves in front of you. They never asked for your permission, don’t even start asking for theirs."

Amen.

Terrain Training Tuesday: Moving with a Tank

If Van Halen can do it, so can you!

Given what a favoured place tanks hold within my heart, you will often have to move with tanks. When you must move as fast as the tanks, you should ride on them. However, riding on a tank makes you vulnerable to all types of fire. It also reduces the tank's manoeuvrability and the ability to traverse its turret. If contact is made with the enemy, you must dismount from the tank at once.

To mount a tank, first get permission from the tank commander. Then mount from the tank's right front, not its left side where the coax machinegun is mounted. Once mounted, move to the rear deck, stand, and hold on to the bustle rack. If there is not enough room for you on the rear deck, you may have to stand beside the turret and hold onto a hatch or hatch opening.

Mmmmmmm, even I think this may be over doing it....

When riding on a tank, be alert for trees that may knock you off and obstacles that may cause the tank to turn suddenly. Also be alert for enemy troops that may cause the tank to move its turret quickly and fire.

Riding on a tank is always hazardous and should be done only when the risks of riding are outweighed by the advantages of riding.

Terrain Training Tuesday: Move like a Commando (Part 6)

MOVING WITHIN A TEAM, I don't like it but sometimes you just have to work together....

As a HiiRagi minion, you may have to move as a member of a team. Small teams, such as infantry fire teams, normally move in a wedge formation. Each minion in the team has a set position in the wedge, determined by the type weapon he carries or skill set. That position, however, may be changed by the team leader or HiiRagi to meet the situation. The normal distance between minions is 10 meters as we all like a bit of personal space.

You may have to make a temporary change in the wedge formation when moving through close terrain. The minions in the sides of the wedge close into a single file when moving in thick brush or through a narrow pass. After passing through such an area, they should spread out, again forming the wedge. You should not wait for orders to change the formation or the interval. You should change automatically and stay in visual contact with the other minions and the team leader.

The team leader leads by setting the example. The standing order is, FOLLOW ME AND DO AS I DO. Actually I think that's a standing HiiRagi order regardless. When they move to the left, you should move to the left. When they get down, you should get down. When they fire, you should fire. Unless they pull this move:

Personally I'm not into the Meerkat routine....it has being taken out written all over it

When visibility is limited, control during movement may become difficult. Two l-inch horizontal strips of luminous tape, sewn directly on the rear of the helmet camouflage band with a l-inch space between them, are a device for night identification, meaning don't attack another minion by mistake. Night identification for your patrol cap should be two l-inch by 1/2-inch strips of luminous tape sewn vertically, directly on the rear of the cap. They should be centered, with the bottom edge of each tape even with the bottom edge of the cap and with a l-inch space between two tapes. Yeah, looking cool....reflective....

Terrain Training Tuesday: Move like a Commando (Part 5)

WE ARE ON THE MOVE PEOPLE!

This section helps to guide you for immediate actions you should take when reacting to enemy indirect fire and flares (no, they’re not just for boating…).

REACTING TO INDIRECT FIRE
If you come under indirect fire while moving, quickly look to your leader or HiiRagi for orders, which will probably be run out of the impact area in a certain direction or follow. If this does not happen or you cannot see your leader, but can see other team members, most will tell you to follow them. Don’t. This is your chance to shine and take over the group for your own much more important cause of HiiRagi World Domination. If alone, or if you cannot see your leader or the other team members, run out of the area in a direction away from the incoming fire and then begin plotting your next diabolical move.

It is hard to move quickly on rough terrain, but the terrain may provide good cover. In such terrain, it may be best to take cover and wait for flares to burn out. After they burn out, move out of the area quickly.

REACTING TO GROUND FLARES
The enemy puts out ground flares as warning devices. He sets them off himself or attaches tripwires to them for you to trip on and set them off ( I never said they weren’t crafty). He usually puts the flares in places he can watch because we all enjoy a good light show, what a loser…

If you are caught in the light of a ground flare, move quickly out of the lighted area. The enemy will know where the ground flare is and will be ready to fire into that area. Move well away from the lighted area. While moving out of the area, look for other team members. Try to keep the team together.

REACTING TO AERIAL FLARES
The enemy uses aerial flares to light up vital areas. They can be set off like ground flares; fired from hand projectors, grenade launchers, mortars, and artillery; or dropped from aircraft. We should totally have some.
If you hear the firing of an aerial flare while you are moving, hit the ground (behind cover if possible) while the flare is rising and before it bursts and illuminates.

If moving where it is easy to blend with the background (such as in a forest) or you are a ninja and you are caught in the light of an aerial flare, freeze in place until the flare burns out. They will never see you.
If you are caught in the light of an aerial flare while moving in an open area, immediately crouch low or lie down.
If you are crossing an obstacle, such as a barbed-wire fence or a wall, and get caught in the light of an aerial flare, crouch low and stay down until the flare burns out.

The sudden light of a bursting flare may temporarily blind both you and the enemy. When the enemy uses a flare to spot you, he spoils his own night vision. To protect your night vision, close one eye while the flare is burning. When the flare burns out, the eye that was closed will still have its night vision.

Next week, it's time to learn to move within a team. We don't like it but sometimes you just have to suck it up.

Return of the Army

Ok. We're back. We made it through Christmas and New Year. And it IS a question of Survival, if you can make it through that unscathed then you're on your way to being the ultimate survival minion. Hope it was a good one and to kick off the new year here's an awesome gocco print from Rosemary Travale (found via Pikaland):

Yeah....I think it's well and truly time for the word "rad" to return to all of our vocabulary. Go on, use the word 'rad' to describe something today, for example, "The HiiRagi Army is so frickin' RAD". You know it.

Terrain Training Tuesday: Move like a Commando (Part 4)

Moving with stealth means moving quietly, slowly, and carefully. This requires great patience.

To move with stealth, use the following techniques:

-Hold your rifle at port arms (ready position).

The second image shows what 'port arms' means, beret is optional

-Make your footing sure and solid by keeping your body's weight on the foot on the ground while stepping.
-Raise the moving leg high to clear brush or grass.
-Gently let the moving foot down toe first, with your body's weight on the rear leg.
-Lower the heel of the moving foot after the toe is in a solid place.
-Shift your body's weight and balance to the forward foot before moving the rear foot.
-Take short steps to help maintain balance.
-At night, and when moving through dense vegetation, avoid making noise. Hold your weapon with one hand, and keep the other hand forward, feeling for obstructions.

Excessive use of military clothing is of personal preference but I'm of the mind that the more, the better...

Now what happens when you have to hit the ground? When going into a prone position, use the following techniques:

-Hold your rifle with one hand and crouch slowly.
-Feel for the ground with your free hand to make sure it is clear of mines, tripwires, and other hazards.
-Lower your knees, one at a time, until your body's weight is on both knees and your free hand.
-Shift your weight to your free hand and opposite knee.
-Raise your free leg up and back, and lower it gently to that side.
-Move the other leg into position the same way.
-Roll quietly into a prone position.

Yep, they're in the 'prone' position

Use the following techniques when crawling:

-Crawl on your hands and knees. Hold your rifle in your firing hand. Use your nonfiring hand to feel for and make clear spots for your hands and knees to move to.
-Move your hands and knees to those spots, and put them down softly.

Terrain Training Tuesday: Move like a Commando (Part 3)

Oh yeah, it's the "rush". Sounds rather exciting doesn't it?! and that's because it is.

Now the rush is the fastest way to move from one position to another. It's a quick movement where each rush should last from 3 to 5 seconds. The rushes are kept short to keep enemy from tracking you. However, do not stop and hit the ground in the open just because 5 seconds have passed, this is a stupid thing to do if you are trying your hand at rushing. Always try to hit the ground behind some cover. Before moving, pick out your next covered and concealed position and what is the best route to it.

When you're ready, make your move from the prone position as follows:

 Slowly raise your head and pick your next position and the route to it.
 Slowly lower your head.
 Draw your arms into your body (keeping your elbows in).
 Pull your right leg forward.
 Raise your body by straightening your arms.
 Get up quickly.
 Run! Run! Run to the next position.

Whooooooooooossssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you are ready to stop moving and maybe feel the need to do a bit of attacking, you should be carrying a rifle or other weaponry (preferably something that can cover some distance, if I have to explain why a knife is no good you do not deserve to be a HiiRagi minion), and do the following:

 Plant both of your feet.
 Drop to your knees (at the same time slide a hand to the butt of your rifle if you are carrying).
 Fall forward, breaking the fall with the butt of the rifle.
 Go to a prone firing position.

However, if you have been firing from one position for some time, the enemy may have spotted you and may be waiting for you to come up from behind the cover. So, before rushing forward again, roll or crawl a short distance from your position. By craftily coming up from another spot, you may fool an enemy, who as well all know is a fool and is aiming at your previous spot spot, waiting for you to rise.

Yeah, I'm not convinced by the flower pots as adequate cover either....

Got no cover? When the route to your next position is through an open area, rush by zigzagging. If necessary, hit the ground, roll right or left, then rush again.

Rush minions, rush minions, rush, rush, rush!

Fear not, next week we go all stealth.

Terrain Training Tuesday: Move like a Commando (Part 2)

Ok my little minions, now we start looking at methods of movement so you remain undetected. In addition to walking, you can move in one of three other methods--low crawl, high crawl, or rush. Today we are looking at the crawls, both high and low (none of which involve alcohol because that just makes things messy and is definately NOT stealthy). So we were prepared last week to get ready for moving using methods seen below as well as some cunning disguises.

Utilising the low crawl gives you the lowest silhouette. Use it to cross places where the concealment is very low and enemy fire or observation prevents you from getting up. Keep your body flat against the ground. If you are carrying a weapon (in this case a firearm), let the front handguard rest on your forearm (keeping the muzzle off the ground), and let the weapon butt drag on the ground.

To move, push your arms forward and pull your firing side leg forward. Then pull with your arms and push with your leg. Continue this throughout the move and expect some chaffing and grazing....and rocks...

The high crawl lets you move faster than the low crawl and still gives you a low silhouette. Use this crawl when there is good concealment but enemy fire still prevents you from getting up. Keep your body off the ground and resting on your forearms and lower legs. Cradle your weapon in your arms and keep its muzzle off the ground. Keep your knees well behind your buttocks (kinda stretched out) so your body will stay low.

To move, alternately advance your right elbow and left knee, then your left elbow and right knee.

Next week we get off our knees and show the enemy some Rushing. Oh yeah....

Terrain Training Tuesday: Move like a Commando (Part 1)

The Commando Role got me thinking about movement. What do you do before and after your triumphant Commando Role? Who knows how many stupid people are around? They must be avoided at all cost and the only way to do that is to learn how to move without being detected.

Time to break out the foliage and get dirty, you know you want to....

Your own and your unit's ability to move depends on your movement skills and those of your fellow minions. In this part we look at techniques to avoid being seen or heard by the ‘enemy’:

 Camouflage yourself and your equipment.
 Tape your jewellery and dog tags together and to the chain so they cannot slide or rattle. Tape or pad the parts of your weapon (should you be carrying one, who knows?!) and equipment that rattle or are so loose that they may snag (the tape or padding must not interfere with the operation of the weapon or equipment). Jump up and down and listen for rattles.
 Wear soft, well-fitting clothes.
 Do not carry unnecessary equipment. Move from covered position to revered position (taking no longer than 3 to 5 seconds between positions).
 Stop, look, and listen before moving.
 Look for covered and concealed routes on which to move.
 Change direction slightly from time to time when moving through tall grass.
 Stop, look, and listen when birds or animals are alarmed (the enemy may be nearby).
 Cross roads and trails at places that have the most cover and concealment (large culverts, low spots, curves, or bridges).
 Avoid steep slopes and places with loose dirt or stones.
 Avoid cleared, open areas and tops of hills and ridges.

Next week get ready to start crawling!

Terrain Training Tuesday: How to do a Commando Roll

The Commando Roll, the ultimate cool move to pull when your out in the wilds. Luckily for me, it came pretty naturally. Others however have to train hard. So for all the little minions out there who want to know how to win admirers and influence people, here is a quick crash course in the Commando Roll.

Now to skilfully perform a commando roll, you begin by diving dramatically forward landing on one shoulder (this depends on which hand you would use normally e.g. If you are right handed you would use your right shoulder). Land on the back part of your shoulder, and deftly roll across your back diagonally (eg. right shoulder to left hip). When you have done that, assuming you are right handed, you should have rolled up with your left leg should be bent with your weight on that knee, and your right leg should not be bent. Pull a dynamic military pose and whala! Commando Roll completed!

A word of advice, make sure your head doesn’t touch the ground when you dive forward. This is bad, this is VERY bad. And it hurts too.

Also I couldn't find a picture or image of a commando roll so instead here's Arnie in a knife fight.

Terrain Training Tuesday: Driving a Tank (Part 3)

Here we go! Whack on your goggles and slip into your headgear because we are on the move! Now there are a few issues to consider being a tank driver, these are explored below and conclude our uber exciting tank driving escapade.

Step 9: Listen for tread buildup because the tank’s treads can become disabled with debris and we do not want that. When the tank ceases responding quickly to your steering and instrumental commands, you may have mud, sand or some other substance built up on your tracks, which may cause the treads to come off the wheels, leaving the tank powerless, which is dangerous during combat operations. This buildup is usually revealed by a cracking or a popping sound. You should drive your tank forward over level ground until the cracking and popping sound ends, indicating that the tracks have cleared themselves. Otherwise just keep this baby heading in the direction you want to go and hey presto! You're driving a tank, how cool is that?! Put your brakes on when you have arrived at your destination (duh!). You come to a stop by easing your foot down on the service brake located on the floor beneath your steering handle. Before exiting the tank, reapply the parking brake by pulling the black T-shaped handle to your right. you want the tank to stay right where you left it.

Step 10: Finally, an OH&S warning: be aware of potential problems. Put on protective head and body gear (as seen above looking seriously cool) before entering your tank. Tank interiors are designed with levers, knobs, and other protruding objects that can seriously injure tank operating personnel. Don’t attempt to board a tank or get inside a tank while it is moving, no matter how slowly it is in motion (unless you are sure you can make it for glory awaits the brave). Wear noise-canceling headphones to protect your hearing because tank engines are very loud. Run the exhaust fan for five to six minutes for every hour you are on board because you may need to replenish the tank’s oxygen supply. Tank interiors are often nauseating and claustrophobic for many tank drivers because they are usually fill with the awful orders emanating from their gigantic engines.

So, I'm sure we all feel much more confident waiting for the moment when a tank becomes available to us. Good luck my little minions!!!!